How to Recognise an Unhealthy Relationship and Find the Right Support

How to Recognise an Unhealthy Relationship and Find the Right Support

Relationships play an important role in our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. A healthy relationship can provide love, companionship, encouragement, security, and a sense of belonging. It allows individuals to express themselves freely, pursue personal goals, develop confidence, and experience emotional connection with another person.

However, not every relationship provides these positive experiences.

Sometimes, a relationship that initially feels loving and supportive gradually becomes emotionally exhausting, controlling, disrespectful, or harmful. A person may begin to experience constant criticism, manipulation, jealousy, insecurity, fear, or a loss of personal independence. In some situations, the unhealthy behaviour becomes so gradual that the individual does not immediately recognise what is happening.

Many people remain in unhealthy relationships because they love their partners, hope that things will improve, fear being alone, feel financially dependent, worry about family or social judgment, or believe that relationship difficulties are simply a normal part of love.

It is important to understand that disagreements, misunderstandings, and occasional emotional difficulties are normal in relationships. However, repeated disrespect, intimidation, manipulation, coercion, and controlling behaviour should never be dismissed as ordinary relationship problems.

A healthy relationship should make you feel respected, valued, emotionally secure, and free to be yourself. It should not require you to sacrifice your dignity, independence, personal identity, or safety to keep another person happy.

Recognising an unhealthy relationship is the first step towards protecting emotional well-being, rebuilding self-confidence, establishing healthy boundaries, and finding the right support.

This article explores the warning signs of unhealthy relationships, the psychological patterns behind harmful behaviour, the difference between relationship conflict and emotional abuse, and the practical steps individuals can take to seek help and create healthier relationships.

1. Understanding What an Unhealthy Relationship Really Means

An unhealthy relationship is one in which the behaviour, communication, or interaction between partners repeatedly damages one or both individuals’ emotional well-being, confidence, independence, dignity, or sense of safety.

It does not necessarily mean that the relationship is unhappy every day.

In fact, one of the reasons unhealthy relationships can be difficult to recognise is that they may contain genuinely happy moments. A partner may sometimes be affectionate, supportive, romantic, and caring, while at other times becoming controlling, insulting, manipulative, or emotionally unavailable.

This mixture of positive and negative experiences can create confusion.

A person may think:

• My partner loves me, but why do I feel so unhappy?
• We have beautiful moments together, so perhaps the problems are not serious.
• Maybe I am too sensitive.
• Perhaps I should change myself to avoid arguments.
• My partner has promised to improve, so I should keep waiting.
• Every relationship has problems, so perhaps this is normal.

It is important to distinguish ordinary relationship difficulties from repeated harmful behaviour.

Every couple experiences misunderstandings, disagreements, and moments of frustration. However, in a healthy relationship, both partners are willing to listen, accept responsibility, respect boundaries, and work towards solutions.

In an unhealthy relationship, one or both partners may repeatedly disregard the other’s feelings, use manipulation, avoid accountability, or attempt to control the relationship.

When harmful behaviour becomes a recurring pattern, it deserves serious attention.

2. Recognising the Major Warning Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Unhealthy relationships can develop gradually. Certain behaviours may initially appear harmless, but over time they can affect a person’s confidence, freedom, emotional stability, and ability to make independent decisions.

Recognising these patterns early can help individuals understand their situation and take appropriate action.

A. Constant criticism and disrespect

One of the earliest warning signs is repeated criticism that makes a person feel inadequate, embarrassed, or unworthy.

A partner may frequently:

• Make negative comments about physical appearance.
• Criticise intelligence, abilities, or professional achievements.
• Make jokes that are humiliating or hurtful.
• Compare their partner unfavourably with other people.
• Dismiss personal opinions and feelings.
• Make insulting remarks during disagreements.
• Embarrass their partner in front of friends or family.

There is an important difference between constructive feedback and disrespectful criticism.

Constructive feedback is intended to improve a situation while preserving the other person’s dignity.

Repeated humiliation, on the other hand, can gradually damage self-esteem and make an individual question their own worth.

A loving partner should be able to express dissatisfaction without attacking the other person’s identity.

B. Excessive jealousy and possessiveness

Jealousy is sometimes presented as proof of love. However, excessive jealousy can become a form of control.

An overly possessive partner may:

• Become angry when their partner spends time with friends.
• Question every social interaction.
• Frequently accuse their partner of cheating without reasonable grounds.
• Demand explanations about ordinary activities.
• Become uncomfortable with professional relationships.
• Expect immediate replies to every message.
• Interpret normal independence as a lack of commitment.

The problem is not simply experiencing jealousy. People can sometimes feel insecure or uncomfortable.

The concern arises when jealousy becomes an excuse to restrict another person’s freedom, monitor their behaviour, or control their social life.

Love should create emotional security, not a constant requirement to prove loyalty.

C. Controlling behaviour

Control is one of the most important warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.

A controlling partner may attempt to decide:

• What their partner should wear.
• Which friends they can meet.
• Where they can go.
• Which activities they can participate in.
• Whether they can continue working or studying.
• How they should spend their money.
• How they should communicate with family members.
• What opinions they are allowed to express.

Sometimes control is disguised as concern.

For example, a partner may say, “I am only doing this because I care about you.”

However, genuine care respects personal choice.

A relationship becomes unhealthy when one individual consistently expects the other to seek permission for ordinary decisions.

D. Emotional manipulation

Emotional manipulation occurs when someone uses guilt, fear, shame, emotional pressure, or distorted communication to influence another person’s decisions.

Examples include:

• Making someone feel guilty for expressing personal needs.
• Threatening to end the relationship whenever they disagree.
• Using affection as a reward for obedience.
• Blaming the partner for every argument.
• Making unreasonable emotional demands.
• Using personal vulnerabilities against the other person.
• Creating situations in which the partner constantly feels responsible for their happiness.

For example, imagine someone saying:

“If you really loved me, you would never refuse anything I ask.”

This statement places emotional pressure on the other individual and suggests that love requires unconditional compliance.

Healthy relationships allow partners to disagree, establish boundaries, and maintain individual choices.

E. Gaslighting and making someone doubt their reality

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone repeatedly denies, distorts, or misrepresents events in ways that make another person question their memory, perception, or judgment.

For example:

• Denying something they previously said despite clear evidence.
• Insisting that the other person is imagining events.
• Repeatedly describing genuine concerns as irrational.
• Changing the subject to avoid responsibility.
• Rewriting past arguments to make themselves appear innocent.
• Telling their partner that they are mentally unstable whenever they raise concerns.

Over time, the affected individual may begin doubting their own understanding of situations.

They may repeatedly apologise, question their memory, and depend increasingly on their partner to explain what is real.

It is important to remember that ordinary disagreements about memories do not automatically constitute gaslighting. The concern is a repeated pattern of manipulation that undermines another person’s confidence in their own perception.

F. Lack of emotional support

A healthy relationship should provide emotional support during both positive and difficult periods.

An unhealthy partner may repeatedly:

• Ignore emotional concerns.
• Show little interest in important personal achievements.
• Dismiss sadness or disappointment.
• Refuse to listen when their partner needs support.
• Make emotional difficulties about themselves.
• Mock vulnerability.
• Withdraw affection whenever the other person expresses dissatisfaction.

Emotional neglect can make someone feel lonely even when they are physically living with or spending time with their partner.

A relationship should offer companionship and emotional connection, not simply physical presence.

G. Isolation from friends and family

Isolation is a particularly serious warning sign because it can gradually remove a person’s access to emotional and practical support.

A controlling partner may discourage or prevent their partner from:

• Visiting parents or siblings.
• Meeting friends.
• Attending social events.
• Maintaining professional connections.
• Participating in hobbies.
• Seeking advice from trusted people.

Sometimes the partner creates conflicts whenever the individual spends time outside the relationship.

Eventually, the person may stop contacting others simply to avoid arguments.

This can increase emotional and practical dependence on the controlling partner, making it more difficult to seek help.

Healthy relationships encourage meaningful connections beyond the romantic partnership.

3. Understanding Emotional Abuse and Its Psychological Impact

Emotional abuse is a pattern of behaviour that harms another person’s emotional well-being, self-esteem, confidence, or sense of security.

Unlike physical violence, emotional abuse may not leave visible injuries.

However, its psychological consequences can be serious.

It may involve repeated humiliation, intimidation, threats, manipulation, rejection, controlling behaviour, and deliberate attempts to undermine another person’s confidence.

Common forms of emotional abuse

Verbal humiliation: Repeatedly insulting, shouting at, mocking, or degrading a partner.

Emotional intimidation: Creating fear through threats, aggressive behaviour, or unpredictable anger.

Blaming: Making the other person responsible for every problem, including the abuser’s own harmful behaviour.

Emotional blackmail: Using guilt, threats of abandonment, or self-harm threats to force compliance.

Silent treatment as punishment: Deliberately withdrawing communication or affection to punish or control another person.

Public humiliation: Embarrassing or insulting a partner in front of friends, relatives, or colleagues.

Constant invalidation: Repeatedly dismissing another person’s feelings as unimportant, irrational, or meaningless.

How emotional abuse affects mental health

Prolonged emotional mistreatment can affect an individual’s psychological well-being in several ways.

Reduced self-esteem: The person may begin believing negative comments about their appearance, intelligence, or abilities.

Anxiety: They may constantly worry about saying or doing something that could upset their partner.

Depression: Repeated emotional distress can contribute to sadness, hopelessness, reduced motivation, and loss of interest in everyday activities.

Self-doubt: They may become uncertain about their decisions and opinions.

Social withdrawal: They may gradually stop interacting with friends and family.

Sleep disturbances: Continuous stress and anxiety can affect sleep quality.

Emotional exhaustion: They may feel mentally drained from constantly managing their partner’s reactions.

Loss of identity: They may gradually abandon personal interests, ambitions, and preferences to avoid conflict.

These experiences do not automatically mean someone has a particular mental health disorder. However, persistent symptoms deserve attention from a qualified mental health professional.

4. Recognising Physical, Sexual, and Financial Abuse

Unhealthy relationships can involve more than emotional mistreatment.

Some forms of abuse directly threaten physical safety, sexual autonomy, and financial independence.

A. Physical abuse

Physical abuse includes any intentional physical aggression used to hurt, intimidate, punish, or control another person.

It may involve:

• Slapping or punching.
• Pushing or grabbing.
• Kicking or choking.
• Throwing objects.
• Blocking someone’s exit.
• Destroying personal belongings.
• Threatening physical violence.
• Using physical force during disagreements.

Physical abuse should never be dismissed as a normal argument or an uncontrollable expression of anger.

Even if an individual apologises afterwards, repeated physical aggression remains dangerous.

A person does not have to wait for an injury to become serious before seeking help.

B. Sexual abuse and coercion

Sexual abuse can occur within dating relationships, engagements, and marriages.

Being in a committed relationship does not remove an individual’s right to consent.

Warning signs include:

• Pressuring a partner into unwanted sexual activity.
• Ignoring an expressed refusal.
• Using threats or emotional blackmail to obtain sexual compliance.
• Forcing physical intimacy.
• Refusing to respect sexual boundaries.
• Pressuring someone to share intimate photographs or videos.
• Interfering with contraception or reproductive decisions.

Consent must be voluntary and ongoing.

No individual owes sexual access to another person because of love, marriage, financial support, or relationship status.

C. Financial abuse

Financial abuse occurs when someone uses money, financial resources, or economic dependence to control another individual.

Examples include:

• Taking control of a partner’s salary without agreement.
• Preventing someone from working.
• Restricting access to personal bank accounts.
• Taking loans in another person’s name without consent.
• Creating financial dependence intentionally.
• Controlling spending through intimidation.
• Hiding important financial obligations.
• Preventing access to money needed for basic necessities.

Financial abuse can make leaving an unhealthy relationship especially difficult.

A person may remain in a harmful situation because they cannot afford accommodation, transportation, legal assistance, or everyday expenses.

Financial independence and access to personal resources can therefore play an important role in relationship safety.

5. Digital Abuse: Recognising Control Through Technology

Technology has created new ways for people to communicate, maintain relationships, and share experiences.

However, digital platforms can also be misused to monitor, intimidate, manipulate, and control romantic partners.

Digital abuse may occur through smartphones, messaging applications, social media, email, location-sharing services, and other connected devices.

Warning signs of digital abuse

A partner may:

• Demand access to private messages.
• Check the phone without permission.
• Demand passwords to social media accounts.
• Monitor online activity.
• Track location continuously without freely given consent.
• Use spyware or tracking applications.
• Threaten to publish private photographs.
• Create fake accounts to monitor or harass someone.
• Impersonate their partner online.
• Send repeated threatening messages.
• Control who their partner can follow or communicate with.

Some couples voluntarily share passwords or locations. That arrangement is not automatically abusive.

The important question is whether the sharing is genuinely voluntary and whether either person can withdraw consent without facing intimidation or punishment.

Digital privacy is part of personal independence.

A loving relationship does not require constant surveillance.

6. Understanding the Cycle of an Unhealthy or Abusive Relationship

One reason people find it difficult to leave unhealthy relationships is that harmful behaviour may alternate with periods of affection, apologies, and apparent improvement.

In some abusive relationships, a recurring pattern can develop.

Although not every relationship follows the same sequence, the following pattern is commonly described in discussions of domestic abuse.

Stage 1: Increasing tension

Small disagreements become increasingly stressful.

One partner may become irritable, critical, jealous, or controlling.

The other person starts carefully managing their words and actions to avoid upsetting them.

Stage 2: An incident of abuse

The tension escalates into shouting, intimidation, humiliation, threats, physical aggression, or another harmful behaviour.

The affected person may feel frightened, confused, or emotionally overwhelmed.

Stage 3: Apologies and reconciliation

The person responsible may apologise, express regret, promise to change, or make affectionate gestures.

They may say that stress, anger, family problems, or misunderstandings caused their behaviour.

The affected partner may feel hopeful that the relationship will improve.

Stage 4: A period of apparent calm

For some time, the relationship may feel normal again.

The partner may behave affectionately and make efforts to restore closeness.

However, if the underlying behaviour remains unchanged, the same pattern may eventually return.

This pattern is sometimes called the cycle of abuse.

It is important to understand that not every unhealthy relationship follows this cycle, and abusive behaviour does not always involve apologies or reconciliation.

Nevertheless, repeated promises without sustained behavioural change should be treated cautiously.

Real change requires accountability, consistent effort, respect for boundaries, and often professional intervention.

7. The Difference Between a Normal Relationship Conflict and an Unhealthy Relationship

Not every disagreement means a relationship is unhealthy.

Two individuals may disagree about money, household responsibilities, friendships, family expectations, or personal priorities without engaging in harmful behaviour.

The difference often lies in how the disagreement is handled.

A particularly important distinction is that healthy conflict allows both individuals to disagree without fear.

If someone feels they must remain silent, surrender their preferences, or constantly adjust their behaviour to prevent another person’s anger, the relationship deserves closer examination.

8. Why People Stay in Unhealthy Relationships

One of the most misunderstood aspects of unhealthy relationships is why individuals continue to stay even when they are unhappy or experiencing mistreatment.

People sometimes assume that leaving is simple.

In reality, emotional attachment, psychological pressure, family circumstances, financial dependence, and safety concerns can make the decision extremely complicated.

A. Love and emotional attachment

A person may genuinely love their partner despite recognising harmful behaviour.

They may remember the beginning of the relationship and continue hoping that the earlier affection will return.

B. Hope for change

Repeated apologies and promises can create hope.

The affected individual may believe that if they become more patient, understanding, or supportive, their partner will eventually change.

C. Fear of loneliness

Some people fear starting over, losing companionship, or being alone.

They may prefer an unhappy relationship to the uncertainty of separation.

D. Family and social pressure

In some cultural environments, individuals experience pressure to maintain relationships because of family reputation, marriage expectations, children, or social judgment.

They may worry about disappointing parents or facing criticism from relatives.

E. Financial dependence

An individual without independent income or savings may struggle to imagine life outside the relationship.

This becomes particularly difficult when they also have children or caregiving responsibilities.

F. Low self-esteem

Repeated criticism and humiliation can gradually damage self-confidence.

The person may begin believing that they cannot find another partner or manage life independently.

G. Fear of retaliation

Some individuals remain because they fear what their partner might do if they attempt to leave.

This fear may be based on previous threats, stalking, physical aggression, or controlling behaviour.

H. Confusion and emotional attachment

Periods of affection followed by mistreatment can create powerful emotional confusion.

The individual may focus on the positive moments and minimise the harmful ones.

Understanding these factors is essential because support should never involve blaming someone for staying.

The responsibility for abusive behaviour belongs to the person choosing to engage in it.

9. How an Unhealthy Relationship Affects Personal Identity and Everyday Life

The effects of an unhealthy relationship may extend beyond the relationship itself.

Gradually, the individual may notice changes in their personality, confidence, behaviour, and daily functioning.

Loss of self-confidence

A person who was previously confident may begin doubting ordinary decisions.

They may constantly seek approval and reassurance.

Reduced professional performance

Emotional stress can affect concentration, productivity, motivation, and professional development.

Some individuals may even leave jobs or educational opportunities because of pressure from their partners.

Withdrawal from social life

Friends and family relationships may become distant.

The individual may stop attending gatherings or sharing personal experiences.

Constant emotional alertness

They may feel compelled to monitor their partner’s mood and anticipate possible arguments.

This can create a persistent state of psychological stress.

Reduced personal freedom

Choices about clothing, friendships, hobbies, travel, and professional opportunities may increasingly be influenced by fear of conflict.

Difficulty trusting others

After prolonged manipulation or betrayal, some individuals may struggle to trust future partners or form close emotional connections.

Recognising these changes is important because they may indicate that the relationship is affecting more than temporary happiness.

10. How to Recognise Whether You Are in an Unhealthy Relationship

Sometimes, individuals find it difficult to assess their own relationships objectively.

A useful starting point is to reflect on everyday experiences rather than focusing only on romantic feelings or occasional positive moments.

Consider the following questions:

1. Do I feel emotionally safe expressing my opinions?
2. Am I afraid of my partner’s reactions?
3. Do I regularly change my behaviour to avoid arguments?
4. Does my partner respect my personal boundaries?
5. Can I maintain friendships and family relationships freely?
6. Am I allowed to make independent decisions?
7. Does my partner take responsibility for harmful behaviour?
8. Do I frequently feel guilty, inadequate, or worthless?
9. Can I disagree without being threatened or humiliated?
10. Does my partner respect my physical and sexual consent?
11. Have I stopped pursuing personal goals because of this relationship?
12. Do I feel more anxious and emotionally exhausted than supported?
13. Are apologies followed by consistent behavioural improvements?
14. Can I discuss relationship problems with someone I trust without fear?

These questions are not a scientifically validated diagnostic test, and the number of affirmative answers cannot determine whether abuse is occurring.

However, repeated experiences of fear, control, disrespect, and loss of independence should not be ignored.

One incident of violence, sexual coercion, or serious intimidation can also be sufficient reason to seek help. It is not necessary to wait for a repeated pattern.

11. How to Establish Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are personal limits that help individuals protect their emotional well-being, privacy, dignity, and independence.

They explain what behaviour is acceptable and what actions are not acceptable within a relationship.

Healthy boundaries are not intended to control another person. They establish how an individual expects to be treated and what steps they will take if those limits are repeatedly violated.

Important types of relationship boundaries

Emotional boundaries: The right to express feelings without being mocked, dismissed, or threatened.

Physical boundaries: The right to decide who can touch you and when.

Sexual boundaries: The right to give or refuse consent without pressure.

Digital boundaries: The right to personal privacy, secure accounts, and control over personal information.

Financial boundaries: The right to participate in financial decisions and maintain appropriate control over personal resources.

Social boundaries: The right to maintain friendships, family relationships, and personal interests.

Time boundaries: The right to balance relationship commitments with work, rest, hobbies, and individual responsibilities.

How to communicate boundaries

Clear communication can be helpful when it is safe to have the conversation.

For example:

“I respect our relationship, but I also need time with my friends and family. I do not want to feel guilty for maintaining those connections.”

Another example:

“I am willing to discuss disagreements, but I will not continue a conversation in which I am being insulted or threatened.”

A healthy partner may not always agree immediately, but they should be willing to understand and respect reasonable boundaries.

If expressing boundaries leads to intimidation, threats, or violence, prioritise safety rather than trying to persuade the other person.

12. How to Find the Right Support

Recognising an unhealthy relationship is important, but understanding where to turn for help is equally important.

The right support depends on the nature of the problem, the individual’s circumstances, and whether there is any immediate safety risk.

Support may involve trusted friends, family members, mental health professionals, domestic violence services, medical professionals, legal advisers, or emergency services.

A. Talk to someone you trust

Sharing your experiences with a trusted person can reduce isolation and help you think more clearly.

Choose someone who:

• Listens without judgment.
• Takes your concerns seriously.
• Respects your decisions.
• Does not pressure you to remain in or leave the relationship.
• Can help you access practical support if necessary.

You do not have to explain every detail immediately.

Even a simple statement such as “I am experiencing difficulties in my relationship, and I need someone to talk to” can be a meaningful first step.

B. Seek professional counselling

A qualified psychologist, mental health professional, or appropriately trained counsellor can help individuals understand their experiences and address emotional difficulties.

Professional support may be particularly helpful when someone is experiencing:

• Anxiety and persistent fear.
• Low self-esteem.
• Emotional confusion.
• Depression or hopelessness.
• Difficulty making decisions.
• Relationship-related trauma.
• Difficulty establishing boundaries.
• Fear of future relationships.

Individual counselling can provide a confidential environment to explore concerns and develop strategies for emotional recovery.

C. Consider specialised domestic violence support

If the relationship involves threats, intimidation, physical violence, sexual coercion, stalking, or coercive control, a specialised domestic violence service may be more appropriate than general relationship counselling.

Such services can help individuals understand their options, assess safety risks, and access medical, legal, psychological, and practical assistance.

D. Seek medical support when necessary

Physical injuries, sexual health concerns, sleep difficulties, anxiety, and other health effects may require professional medical attention.

Healthcare professionals can assess physical and psychological concerns and help connect individuals with appropriate services.

E. Explore legal support

Where abuse, harassment, threats, stalking, financial exploitation, or other unlawful behaviour is involved, a qualified legal professional or legal aid service can explain available rights and remedies.

The appropriate legal options depend on the circumstances, relationship status, location, and applicable laws.

Seeking information does not necessarily mean making an immediate legal complaint.

Understanding available options can help individuals make informed decisions.

13. What to Do If You Are in an Abusive Relationship

When a relationship involves abuse, the priority should be personal safety rather than saving the relationship.

The following steps may help, depending on the individual’s circumstances.

Step 1: Acknowledge what is happening

Do not automatically dismiss repeated mistreatment as normal relationship behaviour.

Recognise that abuse is not justified by anger, stress, jealousy, financial difficulties, or disagreements.

You are not responsible for another person’s decision to hurt, threaten, or control you.

Step 2: Identify a trusted support person

Choose someone who can listen, respect confidentiality, and help you think about practical options.

If possible, identify more than one person you can contact.

Step 3: Assess immediate safety

Consider whether there have been threats, physical violence, stalking, forced sexual activity, or attempts to prevent you from leaving.

If there is an immediate threat, move towards a safer place and contact emergency services when it is safe to do so.

Step 4: Develop a safety plan

A safety plan is a practical arrangement designed to help someone reduce risks during an emergency or when preparing to leave an abusive situation.

It may include:

• Identifying a safe place to go.
• Keeping emergency contact numbers accessible.
• Arranging a trusted person who can provide transportation.
• Keeping essential medicines available.
• Preparing copies of important documents.
• Setting aside money where safely possible.
• Agreeing on a code word with someone you trust.
• Planning how to obtain help if your partner becomes threatening.

A safety plan should be tailored to the individual’s circumstances. Leaving or confronting an abusive partner can sometimes increase risk, so it is important to seek specialised guidance where possible.

Step 5: Protect important information

Where safe and appropriate, keep copies of important identification, financial records, medical information, and relevant communications.

If you decide to document incidents, store the information somewhere the abusive person cannot access.

Do not put yourself at risk to collect evidence.

Step 6: Consider professional assistance

A domestic violence advocate, counsellor, legal professional, or social worker may help you understand your options.

You do not need to make every decision immediately.

Step 7: Remember that leaving is a personal and safety-related decision

There is no single correct timeline for everyone.

Some people may need time to arrange housing, finances, childcare, or legal assistance.

Others may need immediate protection.

The important thing is to recognise that you deserve safety, dignity, and support.

14. Understanding the Role of Relationship Counselling

Relationship counselling can be valuable when both partners are experiencing communication difficulties, misunderstandings, recurring disagreements, or problems with emotional connection.

A qualified counsellor can help couples:

• Identify unhealthy communication patterns.
• Understand each other’s emotional needs.
• Improve listening skills.
• Manage disagreements.
• Develop realistic expectations.
• Establish appropriate boundaries.
• Rebuild trust where both partners genuinely want to do so.
• Take responsibility for their behaviour.

However, there is an important distinction between ordinary relationship difficulties and abuse.

Couples counselling is not automatically appropriate when one partner is using violence, intimidation, coercion, or controlling behaviour.

Joint sessions may give an abusive partner additional information to use against the affected person or create pressure to accept shared responsibility for abuse.

In such situations, individual confidential support and specialised domestic violence guidance should generally come first.

The safety and autonomy of the affected individual must remain the priority.

15. How to Rebuild Self-Esteem After an Unhealthy Relationship

Leaving or recovering from an unhealthy relationship can be emotionally challenging.

Even after the harmful behaviour has stopped, its effects may continue.

An individual may struggle with guilt, loneliness, self-doubt, fear, or uncertainty about future relationships.

Recovery is not simply about forgetting the past. It involves gradually rebuilding confidence, reconnecting with personal identity, and developing a healthier understanding of relationships.

A. Reconnect with your identity

Think about the interests, ambitions, friendships, and activities that were important to you before the relationship became unhealthy.

Begin reconnecting with them at a comfortable pace.

You do not need to make dramatic changes immediately.

B. Stop blaming yourself

People experiencing mistreatment sometimes believe they could have prevented it by behaving differently.

Remember that no disagreement or personal imperfection justifies abuse.

You can reflect on your own behaviour and learn from relationship experiences without accepting responsibility for another person’s harmful choices.

C. Rebuild supportive relationships

Reconnect with people who respect and encourage you.

Healthy social connections can provide emotional reassurance and reduce isolation.

D. Practise self-care

Pay attention to sleep, nutrition, physical activity, personal interests, and everyday routines.

Self-care is not a complete solution to emotional trauma, but it can support general well-being.

E. Seek professional help when needed

A qualified mental health professional can help individuals work through anxiety, trauma-related symptoms, depression, and difficulties with trust.

There is no shame in needing support after a painful relationship.

F. Rediscover personal independence

Gradually develop confidence in making decisions about your career, finances, social life, and future.

Independence can help individuals rebuild a sense of control over their lives.

16. How to Build Healthier Relationships in the Future

Experiencing an unhealthy relationship does not mean that every future relationship will be harmful.

With self-awareness, emotional recovery, and appropriate support, individuals can develop healthier relationship expectations.

Some important principles include:

Take time to understand a potential partner. Do not rush into major commitments simply because of attraction or emotional excitement.

Observe behaviour rather than relying only on promises. Consistency, respect, and accountability are more meaningful than occasional romantic gestures.

Maintain personal independence. Preserve friendships, interests, professional ambitions, and individual identity.

Communicate openly. Discuss feelings, expectations, disagreements, and boundaries.

Recognise early warning signs. Do not repeatedly dismiss controlling, humiliating, or intimidating behaviour.

Understand mutual respect. Both partners should have equal dignity and the freedom to express their opinions.

Develop emotional maturity. Learn to manage frustration, accept responsibility, and respond thoughtfully during disagreements.

Avoid normalising harmful behaviour. Jealousy, manipulation, threats, and coercion are not necessary expressions of love.

Choose emotional safety. A healthy partner should make it possible to express yourself without constant fear.

17. Understanding Unhealthy Relationships in the Indian Social Context

In India, relationship difficulties can be influenced by family expectations, cultural traditions, financial circumstances, gender roles, social reputation, and marriage-related pressures.

These factors can sometimes make recognising and addressing unhealthy relationships more complicated.

A. Family and social pressure

Some individuals feel compelled to continue relationships because their families have invested emotionally or financially in marriage arrangements.

They may worry about disappointing parents, damaging family reputation, or facing social criticism.

However, family expectations should never override an individual’s right to safety, dignity, and free choice.

B. The pressure to preserve marriage

Marriage is highly valued in many Indian communities.

While commitment and family stability are important, the idea that a person must tolerate abuse to preserve a marriage is harmful.

A healthy marriage requires mutual respect and safety.

C. Financial dependence

Individuals who depend financially on their partners or families may find it difficult to seek independent accommodation, legal assistance, or professional support.

Access to financial guidance, employment opportunities, social assistance, and legal services can make a significant difference.

D. Gender stereotypes

Traditional assumptions about how men and women should behave can sometimes prevent people from recognising harmful behaviour.

For example, men may hesitate to discuss emotional mistreatment because they fear being judged as weak.

Women may feel pressured to tolerate controlling behaviour because of expectations surrounding marriage and family responsibilities.

Unhealthy relationships can affect individuals of any gender, age, religion, or socioeconomic background.

Everyone deserves respect and safety.

E. Arranged marriages and relationship adjustment

In arranged marriages, individuals may discover important differences in expectations after marriage.

Problems can arise around finances, family interference, career decisions, household responsibilities, privacy, and intimacy.

Premarital discussions and professional guidance can help couples identify concerns early.

However, counselling should never be used to pressure someone into continuing a relationship involving abuse or coercion.

18. Professional and Government Support Available in India

Individuals experiencing abuse or serious relationship-related distress should know that support services are available.

Some important options include:

Emergency Response Support System: 112

(Immediate emergencies)

India’s unified emergency number is 112.

It can be used to seek emergency assistance involving police, fire, medical emergencies, and other urgent situations.

If someone is in immediate danger, contacting emergency services and moving to a safer location, when possible, should take priority.

Women Helpline: 181

(Women in distress)

The Government of India’s Women Helpline provides assistance to women experiencing violence or distress.

The service can help connect callers with emergency services, One Stop Centres, counselling, and other appropriate support.

Women can also seek assistance through someone calling on their behalf.

Its availability and implementation should be checked locally, as arrangements may vary across states.

One Stop Centres (Sakhi Centres)

One Stop Centres provide integrated assistance to women affected by violence.

Depending on the available services, support may include:

• Medical assistance.
• Police assistance.
• Legal guidance.
• Psychological and counselling support.
• Temporary shelter.
• Referrals to other relevant services.

These centres are intended to support women affected by violence in both public and private settings.

National Commission for Women

The National Commission for Women provides complaint-related assistance and referrals for women experiencing violence, harassment, and other forms of distress.

Women can explore its current complaint and support services to understand available options.

Mental health professionals

Clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, and qualified counsellors can provide support for emotional distress, anxiety, depression, trauma-related symptoms, and relationship difficulties.

Legal Services Authorities

Individuals who need legal guidance may approach the relevant District Legal Services Authority to understand available legal assistance and eligibility for free legal aid.

It is important to remember that women-specific services are not a substitute for support for men and LGBTQ+ individuals experiencing relationship abuse. They may need to approach emergency services, qualified mental health professionals, local legal services, or organisations that provide support appropriate to their circumstances.

19. How to Support a Friend or Family Member in an Unhealthy Relationship

Sometimes, the person experiencing an unhealthy relationship may not be ready to discuss it openly.

Friends and family members can play an important role in providing emotional and practical support.

However, the way support is offered matters.

Listen without judgment

Allow the individual to explain their experiences without interrupting or blaming them.

Avoid comments such as:

“Why are you still with this person?”

“You should have left long ago.”

“How could you allow this to happen?”

Such statements may increase shame and make the person less likely to seek help.

Take their concerns seriously

Do not dismiss emotional abuse simply because there are no visible physical injuries.

Repeated humiliation, threats, isolation, and coercive control can be serious forms of abuse.

Avoid forcing decisions

You may believe that leaving is the best option, but pressuring someone can make them feel even more isolated.

Offer support while respecting their ability to make decisions.

Help them access professional resources

If they are comfortable, help them contact a counsellor, domestic violence organisation, medical professional, or legal service.

Maintain communication

Even if the individual is not ready to take action, let them know that you are available.

A supportive conversation can make a meaningful difference.

If there is an immediate risk of serious harm, emergency assistance may be necessary.

20. Common Myths About Unhealthy Relationships

Several misconceptions can prevent people from recognising harmful behaviour.

Myth 1: Jealousy proves love.

Reality: Occasional insecurity is human, but excessive jealousy used to restrict another person’s freedom is not healthy love.

Myth 2: Abuse only means physical violence.

Reality: Abuse can also be emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, and digital.

Myth 3: Every relationship has problems, so mistreatment is normal.

Reality: Disagreements are normal. Threats, coercion, humiliation, and repeated controlling behaviour are not.

Myth 4: A person who apologises will definitely change.

Reality: Genuine change requires consistent accountability and sustained behavioural improvement.

Myth 5: Married people must tolerate everything.

Reality: Marriage does not remove an individual’s right to dignity, consent, independence, and safety.

Myth 6: Only women experience relationship abuse.

Reality: People of all genders and sexual orientations can experience unhealthy or abusive relationships.

Myth 7: Leaving is always easy.

Reality: Emotional attachment, financial dependence, family pressure, children, and safety concerns can make leaving extremely complicated.

Myth 8: Seeking counselling means a person has failed in their relationship.

Reality: Seeking professional support can be a responsible step towards understanding problems and protecting well-being.

21. Creating a Personal Relationship Well-Being Checklist

Individuals can periodically reflect on the quality of their relationships by considering the following areas.

This checklist is a reflection tool, not a clinical assessment.

If several important areas are consistently missing, it may be helpful to speak with a trusted professional.

If there is violence, coercion, or immediate danger, do not wait to complete a checklist before seeking help.

Recognising an Unhealthy Relationship Is the Beginning of Protecting Yourself

A healthy relationship should provide a foundation of love, respect, trust, emotional security, and personal growth.

It should allow two individuals to develop together without losing their identities, freedom, or dignity.

Unfortunately, some relationships gradually become sources of anxiety, manipulation, emotional exhaustion, and fear. Because harmful behaviour may be mixed with affection and occasional happiness, individuals can find it difficult to recognise the seriousness of their experiences.

Understanding the warning signs is therefore essential.

Constant criticism, excessive jealousy, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, isolation, controlling behaviour, financial exploitation, sexual coercion, and physical aggression should never be dismissed as ordinary expressions of love.

It is equally important to understand that relationship difficulties are not always abusive. Healthy couples can disagree, make mistakes, and experience difficult periods. What distinguishes a healthy relationship is the willingness of both individuals to communicate respectfully, accept responsibility, and honour each other’s boundaries.

If you recognise unhealthy patterns in your relationship, remember that you do not have to manage everything alone. Trusted people, qualified counsellors, mental health professionals, specialised support organisations, and legal services can help you understand your options.

If you are experiencing abuse, your safety should come before preserving the relationship.

Recovery may take time. Rebuilding self-confidence, restoring emotional stability, reconnecting with loved ones, and rediscovering personal independence are gradual processes.

You deserve a relationship in which you can express your feelings without fear, maintain meaningful friendships, pursue your ambitions, make your own decisions, and feel valued for who you are.

Love should not require you to live in fear, surrender your identity, or repeatedly prove that you deserve respect. A healthy relationship is not about controlling another person; it is about creating a partnership in which both individuals feel safe, respected, understood, and free to grow.

And sometimes, the most important step towards a healthier life is recognising that the relationship you are trying so hard to save is the very thing from which you need support and protection.